Five Simple Ways To Unfuck Your Body

By Joe Vennare

Have you ever seen the television show 1000 Ways to Die? In all likelihood you missed it. Lucky you. It was painful to watch. So painful, in fact, that watching an entire episode should be added to the list, making it 1,001 ways to die. Save yourself!
Of course, my mentioning it isn’t (just) to talk shit. The show is intended to serve as a frame of reference. As the title suggests, and as you may have deduced, each episode presents outlandish deaths purported to be true. Whether or not the writing and acting is intentionally bad remains unknown. But one thing is made abundantly clear—there are a lot of ways to wind up dead.
For instance, in one episode, a woman dies while deep-throating a cucumber in preparation for her well-endowed Romeo. Which sounds a lot like something a group of teenagers would come up with while sitting in a tree house. Reading the Penthouse Johnny stole from his dad. Right before he ganked the Pabst Blue Ribbon they’re all drinking.
Teenage boys can come up with some pretty gruesome shit. If you were a fly on the wall during one of these porn- and beer-filled tree house throw-downs you’d hear something like, “Would you rather die from a Lorena Bobbitt–style attack or from electric shock, after you put your dick in a toaster oven?”
Come on, man! Who puts their dick in a toaster oven? Kids and their zany imaginations! They can think up, and say, the darndest things. But one thing they’d never say, a common cause of death that most of us overlook, is that simply sitting around too much is going to kill us all.

This Is Your Body (and Brain) on Sitting

Born to Run is a book about running. Endurance running, to be exact. But you probably could have guessed that. What you might not know, unless you read the book, is that author Christopher McDougall believes humans developed traits for running because we literally ran down our food. Therefore, running was a necessary part of life—and essential to our evolution.
Nowadays, not so much.
Whereas our ancestors were muscular-looking men and women, our present-day proportions are all out of whack. We’re overweight. Inactive. Sickly even.
And it’s not just adults. American kids are more obese than ever before. So much so that there’s legislation being put forth in some states that would put a three-teen capacity on all porn/drinking tree houses due to concerns about structural integrity and exceeding the weight limit, causing a collapse. Which would make for 1,002 ways to die.
Okay, that last part isn’t true—yet. But it doesn’t change the fact that Americans are fat and that our collective health is fucked. For serious. And sitting around all goddamn day has a lot to do with it.
Let’s take a look at the science. According to Dr. James Levine, an endocrinologist at the Mayo Clinic, sitting is the new smoking. Levine has spent more than 15 years researching the dangers of a sedentary lifestyle. That’s when you sit still more than you move. Also known as being lazy as fuck (note: not a direct quote from Dr. Levine).
After all his research into the sitting/sedentary lifestyle, Levine concluded that sitting on your ass for six hours a day increases your risk for diabetes, obesity, depression, and some types of cancer.
But that’s not even the worst of the news. Here goes: Regular exercise does not counteract the compounded damage of sitting, plus being sedentary.
Humans, all the way down to the cellular level, are engineered to move. When we don’t move, our body (and brain) goes berserk. When and how we burn calories changes. The way we move and the length of our muscles change. Since we’re not moving or expending energy, the food we eat isn’t used as fuel. It’s stored as fat instead. We’re essentially re-engineering how our body works, thereby teaching it to be unwell.

Be a Stand-up Person

Look, if you’re not already standing up while reading this, you’ll probably never understand the need to change your shitty, sitting-all-day habit. Hopefully you’re interested in living a little bit longer. And if you are, if that’s something you can get into, try making these small changes to stand more, sit less, and live longer.

Two for 20

Stand for two minutes every 20 minutes. Set a timer if you have to. Whenever it goes off, stand up, take a lap around the office, get a drink of water or use the restroom, then get back to work.

Call yourself out

From now on, stand up whenever your phone rings. If you’re on a call, regardless of whether or not it’s a quick check-in or an hour-long conference call, you’re standing up.

Rework your workstation

If you have the extra cash, or your company will write the check, treat yourself to a stand-up desk. On the other hand, if you’re looking to save some dough, make your own upright workstation by stacking milk crates on top of one another, before draping a tablecloth or piece of fabric on top of them.

Take walking meetings

There are two reasons to make every meeting a walking or standing meeting. One, you’re not sitting. You’re living longer already! Two, it eliminates all the bullshit from the meeting. Your meetings will instantly be shorter and straight to the point because other people are lazy and don’t want to stand or walk with you very long.

Don’t rest in the restroom

Every trip to the restroom is a chance to sneak some exercise in. If you’re in a public, multi-person restroom, pop into a stall. If you’re in a one-man bathroom, you can do almost anything. Take care of business and then stretch for a little bit. Do some lunges or squats, and a few jumping jacks while you’re at it. Making movement a mainstay in your day is your best bet.

The post SITTING WILL KILL YOU appeared first on Penthouse Magazine.

Seize the day all summer with gear that’s good to go.

By Crispin Boyer

■ Bændit sunglasses
Bændit • $59
These shades are built with temple arms that flex but never break and a frame made of “plastic titanium” polymer, so they blend the style of Ray-Bans with the bending abilities of a Gumby doll. The temples and nose flex, letting you scrunch them down into a pocket-size lump or coil them around your wrist. The silicon-covered alloy core flattens back to shape when you’re ready to wear them. That flexibility means you can let the Bændits hang loose when you’re chilling or cinch them tight to your temples in strong winds, when you’re jogging, etc. All the parts are interchangeable; buy a few pairs and mix the colors to suit the scene.

■ Helios Smart
Solpro • $119
While most solar-powered chargers are built for camping or the apocalypse, Solpro’s pocket-size Helios Smart was designed to be your full-time power solution—even when you’re inches from an outlet. The ultra-efficient panels fold out from the battery and harness enough photons from the sun to charge your smartphone in just 90 minutes. The built-in battery holds enough juice for three devices when fully charged (or you can charge the battery the old-fashioned way on cloudy days). Twin USB ports charge two gadgets simultaneously. Even unfolded, the Helios Smart is small enough to fit on a windowsill or your dashboard, giving you a sliver of off-the-grid living in your office or the coffee shop.

■ Drifter laptop bag
STM • $140
Escaping into the great outdoors isn’t easy now that you have a boss
to please and bills to pay. Here’s your key to successful cubicle egress. The padded main compartment is roomy enough for a 16-inch laptop, with space to spare for books, clothing, and charging cables. Soft-lined exterior pockets hold your sunglasses, phone, tablet, batteries, pens, water bottles, and everything else you need to play hooky for a day, or to work alfresco. And it’s made of water-resistant fabric and has a detachable rain cover, in case you get caught in a downpour.

■ EcoPebble power bank
EcoXGear • $60
Quality and quantity collide in this outdoor Bluetooth speaker that does double-duty as a portable battery packing serious juice. Impervious to water, dust, and drops, the EcoPebble delivers the sound of a larger speaker in a compact case you can mount to your bike, tent, backpack, or kayak. It even floats, in case it falls overboard. The 10,000-ampere-hour battery powers the speaker for an entire weekend of round-the-clock jamming, or you can sacrifice play time to charge your devices via a USB port.

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In the Cayman Islands, the clear Caribbean water contains one of the world’s greatest sunken treasures: rum.

By Joshua M. Bernstein

Few things can drive a man to drink like a family vacation, especially a family vacation in paradise.
For nearly 15 years, my parents have spent a week each winter in the Cayman Islands, a trio of Caribbean isles situated south of Cuba. The largest is Grand Cayman, which is known for banking, beaches, and scuba diving. My folks love spelunking the sea’s depths to spot sharks, eels, and brightly hued fish. I never dug diving, which means my vacations were spent reading detective novels and sipping watery lagers. Maybe I’m a madman, but I started skipping the Caymans. I sought boozy adventure. In Mexico’s dusty Valladolid, I swam in cenotes—subterranean swimming holes—then sipped Xtabentún, a honey liqueur flavored with anise seed. Morocco meant Stork lager and fried chickpeas in Casablanca, while I spent every waking hour in Vietnam imbibing low-alcohol bia hoi, aka “fresh beer.” Winter meant indulging my thirst for adventure.

Then my wife and I had Violet. Babies, babies. Blah, blah. I won’t bore you with parenthood minutiae, except to say that daughters are excellent excuses to drink. Most days I match my kid, bottle for bottle. Drinking. Diapers. My day job. Which meant more drinking. I needed a vacation. “Bring Violet to the Caymans,” my mom said on the phone last spring. “We’ll be able to watch Violet so you can have a break.”

Yes, please.

We secured Violet’s passport and in mid-December flew to Grand Cayman. When staying on the island, there are two distinct routes. If you favor nightlife and luxury resorts, head to highly developed Seven Mile Beach, on the island’s west end. Far more relaxed is the east end, which was our resort’s location. Here, the white-sand beach is raked at daybreak, the hot tub is stress-meltingly warm and the seaside snorkeling is sublime. Just one thing could better the setting. “I need to make an alcohol run,” I told my mom, passing her my daughter.

I headed to the closest liquor store, five minutes away on foot. As a drinks journalist I love sampling indigenous alcohols, be it virility-spiking rice wine made with animal penises (thanks, China!) or Kazakhstan’s kumis, a fermented horse’s milk that tastes like Dumpster-aged Champagne. The Cayman Islands lacks such distinct national treasures. Local beers are essentially variations on light lager, so I stocked my cart with Caybrew. At the liquor wall, I faced rows of imported rums from Barbados, Cuba, and especially Jamaica. I reached for Appleton, then stopped.

What was this? Adorned with an old-timey diving illustration, Seven Fathoms was a Cayman-distilled rum, the first I’d seen. Doubly curious was that the rum was aged underwater. I bought a bottle and, back at the resort, promptly poured a jigger. It smelled sweet, like butterscotch laced with almonds, and tasted even better, a smooth ride across vanilla, citrus, and chocolate. It was time to dive deep into Seven Fathoms’ story.

A couple of days later I caught a ride into George Town, the Cayman Islands’ capital. After winding down Bronze Road, lined with low-slung houses and vividly painted vans, I reached the gunmetal-gray home to Cayman Spirits Co. The sweetly rotting scent of fermentation hung in the air, like a drunken god’s favored cologne.

I entered the bright tasting room and met the distillery’s founders, Nelson Dilbert and Walker Romanica. Dilbert was solidly built, with glasses and a laugh as fast as his hair was short, while Romanica wore a wide grin and a polo shirt, looking a bit like a Wall Streeter on holiday. Which is not too distant from the truth. After growing up in the Caymans, Romanica, whose family owns a preeminent dive company, moved to New York City to work in finance. When the financial waters turned choppy, he returned home to team up with his childhood friend. Dilbert, whose father founded a large liquor-store chain, ran a local brewpub. The duo combined their strengths to create Cayman Spirits, which would be a decidedly different distillery. “If that looks like ice buckets glued together, it’s because it is,” Dilbert laughed, pointing out his company’s first still.

Since it was impossible for a fledgling distillery to battle rum behemoths on price, availability, or marketing, “we decided to compete against them in terms of quality and creating a new product,” Romanica says. “We really wanted to create something special.”

They hit history books, discovering that bygone drinkers paid more for barrels of rum that had sailed across an ocean. Constant rocking and swaying helped spirits steadily interact with the wood, accelerating flavor extraction and aging. The phenomenon also occurred on land. Romanica notes that the Bacardi family credited its Cuban rum’s success to the warehouse’s location near train tracks. “Every hour the train would roll by and literally shake the barrels,” Romanica says. “We saw this theme repeated in a number of stories, and we wanted to come up with a way to agitate our barrels using what we had available to us naturally—of course, the ocean.”

Literally. The recipe starts with desalinated seawater and imported sugarcane juice mixed with local cane juice. (The Caymans lacks a large-scale sugarcane industry.) “I like to think of it as an infection,” Dilbert says. “It allows us to have our own terroir and flavors.” After cooking up a batch, the friends filled used bourbon barrels with rum and submerged the casks beneath the clear Caribbean. Early results were a learning experience. “These hoops will eventually disintegrate after about a year, and you will get a bunch of fish drunk,” Romanica says. In time, they perfected the process, attaching barrels to sand-embedded rebar so they float upward to 42 feet—seven fathoms. Exactly how remains a secret. “We have a way of protecting these barrels so that they’re not directly exposed to the salt water,” is all Romanica will allow.
Since the first bottles of Seven Fathoms were released in 2008, the company has made a splash locally and internationally. That’s partly due to necessity, as the islands only count around 60,000 residents. “Once you take over Cayman, that’s it,” Romanica says. “It’s the rest of the world that grows your company.” And Cayman Spirits keeps growing. The distillery has rolled out flavored Governor’s Reserve rums, Gun Bay Vodka, and liqueurs named after H. H. Hutchings, who let rumrunners stop in Cayman to resupply. I decide to follow suit. I acquire several more rums and amble to the exit.

“Before you go,” Dilbert says, “you need to try Seven Fathoms through a Vaportini.” He pulls out a pint glass containing a tea candle, which he lights. He tops it with a hollow glass sphere, adds several splashes of rum and passes me a glass straw. When the rum heats up, he explains, I need to inhale the fumes—all flavor and 2buzz, the booze instantly reaching my bloodstream. “Well, I am on vacation,” I say, grabbing the straw and taking a big hit of holiday fun.

You can purchase Seven Fathoms online via Binnys.com.

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Whether you’re looking for tips to improve your performance between the sheets, answers to a question or two, or help with an issue you can’t take to even your most trusted friend, our expert can help. It’s time to get schooled.

By Martin Downs, MPH

My wife and I are going on a romantic getaway, and we were thinking it might be fun to smoke some pot. Neither of us has ever had sex stoned. Does pot enhance sex, or should we give it a pass?

Pot enhances sex for some, yes, but not everyone, and not always. It’s very unpredictable. To begin with, different strains of cannabis have different characteristic highs: energetic or mellow, body buzz or head buzz, anxious or euphoric, etc. But not everyone responds the same way to the effects of a given bud. After toking the same weed, one person might feel aroused and touchy-feely while the other just wants to sink into a sofa and doze off.
The main difference is whether being stoned makes you feel more present in the moment and connected with your partner, or more detached and inside yourself. This doesn’t have anything to do with the variety of weed you’re smoking. It’s just how you get when you get stoned. Weed can heighten the physical sensations of sex, but at the same time make you feel like you’re not really there; or the sensations might be too overwhelming to enjoy. That could keep you from having an orgasm or staying aroused. Science has shown that sexual arousal and orgasm require a certain amount of mental focus on erotic stimuli, and the ability to filter out nonerotic thoughts and distractions. If you start to get lost in your head, or if you can’t help grooving on patterns in the wallpaper, then being high probably isn’t enhancing your sexual experience.
I would also say that pot only enhances sex if it makes the experience better for both partners. If one of you says afterward that the sex was amazing, but the other says it wasn’t so good, then you should conclude that pot did not enhance the sex.
You can’t really know until you’ve tried it. I would not tell anyone that they absolutely have to try having sex stoned. But if you both want to try it, I wouldn’t tell you to be afraid. It could be amazing, or it could be a letdown. The only thing I would caution against is getting high as a way of lowering your sexual inhibitions so you can do things you wouldn’t do sober. Likewise, don’t smoke up in a situation where you could end up doing something risky. Going out and hitting the club solo? Bad idea. On a romantic overnight with your spouse? Sure, why not?

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Charlie Laine & Nautica Thorn Penthouse Babes of the Day

@charlielainexxx
@nauticathorn

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Misty Stone Penthouse Babe of the Day

@mistystonexxx

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The U.K.’s online-sex censorship crusade is a toxic encounter between government arrogance and things it simply does not understand: sex, free speech, and the internet.

By Violet Blue

Photographs by Rex Features/AP Images

The United Kingdom’s headlong slide into becoming the West’s premier country for internet censorship began with a controversial—and mandatory—default internet filter at the ISP (internet service provider) level that’s been nicknamed “the Great British Firewall,” after China’s notoriously oppressive and restrictive government internet filter. The British ban came about when religious organizations and conservatives decided the government needed to force ISPs into default filtering to protect children from pornography. The charge, led by conservative Member of Parliament Claire Perry and Prime Minister David Cameron, started with the Online Safety Bill (2010–12).

Like antiporn pundits in America, Perry’s arguments about the harms of pornography have gone unsupported by unbiased data or clinical studies. Some believed her campaign was in bed with anti-file-sharing copyright lobbyists like the Motion Picture Academy of America, as the filter campaign conflated file sharing with pornography at every chance. When the file-sharing site Pirate Bay was sentenced to a High Court blocking order in 2012, Perry appeared on every media outlet that would take her; on a May 1 BBC Radio 4 show, she compared Pirate Bay operators to pedophiles.

As had been predicted, the Great British Firewall blocks much more than porn sites, blacking out travel sites, the internet tool Tor, torrent sites, and the oldest and largest association of computer hackers in Europe, the Chaos Computer Club. Displaying ignorance about porn, tech, and responsibility in equal measures, Perry and Cameron tried to make ISPs responsible for blocking “unwanted” content, and then officials held several meetings with Google, insisting that the search engine clean up the internet. When they finally realized that neither ISPs nor Google actually were the internet, Cameron and company set their sights on changing the U.K.’s obscenity legislation.

They did so quietly. The Audiovisual Media Services Regulations 2014 was approved in Parliament on November 6, 2014. It requires that online video-on-demand porn adhere to the same guidelines for DVD porn
set by the British Board of Film Censors (BBFC). On December 1, 2014, the U.K. government changed legislation to create a list of sex acts to be banned from online porn videos filmed in-country, in a bid to crack down on “harmful” content.

Everyone from media and celebrities to pro-porn feminists and some U.K. government representatives find the list of unacceptable acts to be bizarrely antifemale, and out of touch with modern consensual-adult sex practices. The acts include: spanking, caning, aggressive whipping, penetration by any object “associated with violence,” physical or verbal abuse (even if consensual), urolagnia (aka water sports), roleplaying as non-adults, physical restraint, female ejaculation, strangulation, face-sitting, and fisting.

Critics have countered that the bans are arbitrary and sexist, as many of these acts reflect depictions of female pleasure and power. In fact, the hammer came down on some pretty popular sex acts and fantasies. According to an October 2014 Journal of Sexual Medicine paper, roleplaying as non-adults is a common sexual fantasy for 57 percent of men and 18 percent of women. The paper also found that 36 percent of women and 28 percent of men fantasized about being spanked or whipped for sexual pleasure; Business Insider estimated that the banning of this alone would affect around 17 million British adults. As for fisting, Deborah Addington’s physician-approved how-to book on vaginal fisting, A Hand in the Bush, reached No. 4 on Amazon’s sales chart in February 2000 (until it sold out).

The prohibition on female ejaculation is a particularly sticky wicket in light of the fact that it runs counter to the BBFC’s decision to give female ejaculation a pass in one high-profile case. The BBFC has historically banned films that show female ejaculation, claiming that the expert medical advice it solicited maintains there is no such thing; therefore any depiction of a woman’s ejaculation was “pee porn.” But in 2009, female British pornographer Anna Span submitted one of her adult films for R18+ approval with a female-ejaculation scene in it. When the BBFC told her it couldn’t pass because of the alleged water sports, Span had her defense ready. She presented medical research, ultrasound and biochemical studies, and—the coup de grâce—results from a lab analyzing the actual ejaculate expelled by the climaxing performer in her film that showed the fluid was definitely not urine.

After examining Span’s clear, conclusive evidence of women’s ability to ejaculate, the BBFC gave the scene a pass. Unfortunately for people who like to see female orgasms in their porn, the BBFC wouldn’t take a stance either way about the real issue (female orgasm disallowed under a false premise), and said that their lawyers advised it to let this one slide—presumably because Span was ready to fight.

That the BBFC chose to ban fisting, face-sitting, and female ejaculation gives ground to accusations of sexism and discrimination. In response, a protest occurred outside Parliament 11 days after the legislation went into effect, complete with a mass face-sitting. Organizer and sex worker Charlotte Rose didn’t set the record for simultaneous face-sitting, but everyone sure noticed that she tried. If lawmakers had hoped no one would be aware of the new regulations, they were proved wrong; thanks to global media coverage of dominatrixes sitting on the faces of smiling men outside Westminster, lots and lots of people noticed—including Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg. Telling the press he backed Liberal Democrat MPs in opposition of the new rules, he said politicians should have no role in deciding how people “get their kicks.” (The face-sitting restriction was lifted in January).

The U.K. government’s war on open internet access, built on a foundation of destroying sex speech, combined with its adjacent war on female sexuality, is a study in delusion and arrogance. Unchecked, it’s a chilling specter, warning that the future for suppression of speech in the U.K. is as bright as it is toxic.

From the March 2015 issue of Penthouse

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Whether you’re looking for tips to improve your performance between the sheets, answers to a question or two, or help with an issue you can’t take to even your most trusted friend, our expert can help. It’s time to get schooled.

By Martin Downs, MPH

Photograph by Alamy

There’s been news lately that Viagra may protect against heart disease. If heart disease runs in my family, and I’m already taking cholesterol-lowering medicine to protect my heart, could I get a prescription for Viagra even if I don’t have erectile dysfunction?

Sildenafil citrate, the drug we know as Viagra, was first tested as a treat-ment for high blood pressure and angina (chest pain caused by too little blood flow to the heart). But its ability to restore men’s potency vastly eclipsed its potential as a heart medicine. It’s been on the market for 17 years now, and is so widely used, there’s been renewed interest in its heart-health benefits.

Viagra and similar erectile-dysfunction (ED) drugs Cialis and Levitra work by making constricted blood vessels relax and widen, increasing blood flow to the penis—where the effect is most obvious—but not only the penis. The drugs can improve blood flow throughout the body.

Viagra is already approved to treat a rare form of high blood pressure called pulmonary arterial hypertension. Many studies over the years have shown that ED drugs may have various benefits related to improving blood flow. Recently, researchers analyzed the pooled results of many smaller studies on Viagra, and found that Viagra appears to be good for the heart and could be used to prevent and treat heart disease. In addition, studies with Cialis and Levitra have also shown cardiovascular benefits.

That doesn’t mean doctors will now start prescribing Viagra as heart medicine. There would have to be a whole new set of clinical trials carried out, a process that takes years. But, as they say in the commercials, only your doctor can diagnose ED and determine if taking Viagra is right for you. Problems with getting and keeping an erection, and decreased firmness of erections, can be early warning signs of heart disease. So if you see a doctor regularly to manage your heart-disease risk, bring up the topic of ED during your next visit.

From the March 2015 issue of Penthouse

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Like Penthouse, these gadgets will stand the test of time.

By Crispin Boyer

Complete Guitar Pack
Orange Amplification • $349

If you’re ready to learn to rock, why not jam on gear from the land of Led Zeppelin and the Beatles? This British-built kit includes a guitar, a portable amplifier, and all the roadie accoutrements (padded bag, guitar cable, tuner, and strap). It even comes with a beginner tutorial with ten lessons and backing tracks. The guitar is crafted from glossy maple and rosewood, and features quality pickups and tuner heads good enough for beginners and lapsed guitar gods alike. The Crush PiX 12L amp is just the right size for practice or performances in small venues. It features a three-band equalizer and overdrive that produces a rich sound suitable for a wide range of genres, from acoustic ballads to screaming solos.

Upp hydrogen-fuel cell
Intelligent Energy • $170  

It’s not quite as user-friendly as Mr. Fusion from Back to the Future, but this is still the most futuristic battery you can buy. It was designed by a British portable-power specialist, and relies on hydrogen-fuel cartridges (replacements sold separately) to supply a week’s worth of energy to USB-powered devices. It recharges about as quickly as an on-the-grid wall outlet. An Android and iPhone app helps you squeeze every last drop of juice out of a cartridge. (The app also finds nearby stores that sell replacements.)

SwannOne Smart Hub
Swann • Starting at $299

This small Wi-Fi-linked box will be the brain in your smart home’s central nervous system. Once it’s in place, you can add a range of cameras, sensors, and automating gadgets, including a thermostat, smart plugs to control lights and appliances remotely, entry and window monitors, auto-locks, and more. Each addition boosts the senses and IQ of your home, which could evolve to reach a HAL 9000 level of complexity.

Tracks headphones
Sol Republic  • $99

These headphones are built to take a knocking but keep on rocking. The headband is made of a polymer called Flex Tech that retains its head-hugging shape regardless of heavy misuse. The speakers deliver distortion-free sound and deep bass, while the plush ear cups add comfort and sound isolation. A three-button remote and noise-canceling microphone built into the cord make life easier for smartphone users when they need to take a call.

YotaPhone 2
Yota Devices • $400 (estimated)

Like its nifty-but-flawed predecessor, the Russki-made Yota-Phone 2 is literally a two-faced device: The front bears a brilliant five-inch AMOLED display just like a conventional Android phone, while the rear side sports a responsive 4.7-inch E Ink screen that never shuts off. The energy-efficient rear screen mirrors the front for checking emails, stock prices, appointments, or any graphically simple apps, adding days to your battery life. The rear display also makes a perfect mini e-reader, which helps justify the phone’s shocking sticker price.

From the March 2015 issue of Penthouse

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The creatively modified electric VW Bug is exactly what’s needed to stand out in a sea of soulless Priuses.

By Jonathan Ward

Photographs by David Benardo

Few vehicles have won our hearts to the same extent as the Volkswagen Bug. Generations of people from all over the world smile when they see one, and most of us have fond memories of our various (and sometimes obscene) life experiences in one. It’s been manufactured in Germany, Ireland, Thailand, Indonesia, Mexico, South Africa, Australia, and Nigeria, meaning it truly has become the people’s vehicle, with almost 22 million made since its humble beginnings in 1938.

It’s popular with people of all ages, and still represents a certain sense of independence and style. Even the brilliant, often sarcastic genius of its early advertisements helped cement the VW Bug as a vehicle that will forever transcend social and cultural boundaries—and permanently changed the landscape of modern automotive marketing in the process. No small feat, considering the car was originally developed by an anti-Semitic, enemy-of-the-state German guy with an odd mustache.

But despite all its charm, a drive in a VW Bug leaves plenty of room for improvement. It’s offered globally in gas or diesel variants of meager performance, with these bastions of simplicity leaving you wondering if each shift might be your last.

Enter husband and wife David Benardo and Bonnie Rodgers, who have been big fans of the Bug since the Flower Power generation. These Southern California–based self-described “V-dub-ites” have owned many over the years. And since they’re celebrated brand designers with a tendency to never leave well enough alone, it was just a matter of time before they turned their creative spirits to the beloved Bug. They began to study the options and challenge the legend. What could be done to evolve the people’s vehicle? Then, a crazy idea hit them like a thunderbolt. Why not make the go-to hippie ride a fun, environmentally conscious electric vehicle? It’s a natural fit!

All too often, electric conversions have a Frankenstein-esque hack-job vibe with a mess of mysterious, repurposed components from God knows what. But not the ZelectricBug. The shape and design of the car naturally lends itself to such modification, bearing almost ideal packing accommodations for the batteries and electric motor without sacrificing storage space: The electric motor and components fit perfectly in the engine bay, and the battery packs cleverly integrate where the fuel tank used to be. These locations also help maintain the nearly ideal weight distribution (60 rear/40 front), which brings welcomed gains in overall handling and performance.

This well-engineered and thoughtfully packaged surprise, which was developed with industry legends Mike Bream and Matt Hauber at EV West, scoots right along and provides an impressively sporty and fun driving experience. Stay in second gear to hot-rod around, hit third for cruising, and fourth for freeway flying. But you rarely need to shift gears at all. Third gear will comfortably take you from zero to 80 miles an hour in a flash. The regenerative braking that further extends your range means you almost never need to apply the conventional brakes (although the innovators did upgrade the front ones to disc brakes, in case you need them).

Gone are the rattles and stench of the old air-cooled engine. The linear torque curve of the 65-kilowatt, three-phase, alternating-current motor delivers power at the moment you need it. The car’s range averages 90 to 100 miles with the quality 22-kilowatt battery pack composed of Lithium LiFePO4 batteries (the same one used in the Nissan Leaf). Because they used the industry-standard plug, charging can be done anywhere. Plug it in at night (just like you do with your phone), and it’s ready to go in the morning; a full charge takes seven to eight hours at 220 volts, 13 to 14 hours at 110 volts.

Another cool detail of this design is that the modular nature of the car’s assembly allows for easy and quick evolution. As battery science and motor design evolve, the existing components can be replaced to upgrade performance and range. This all but guarantees that your ZelectricBug will be on the road longer than many of the other “environmentally conscious” EV cars.

The equation has been perfected, the tinkering has ceased, and this side project has become a full-time job. Finally, after teasing the automotive press and social media for what seemed like an excruciatingly long time, Zelectric Motors has begun selling its creation. The first unit sold in just a few hours, and now the company is working through the realities of ramping up operations to meet demand.

This type of creative and fun EV is exactly what’s needed to stand out and thrive in the sea of soulless Priuses dotting the American landscape. Prices start at about $50,000. Catch one if you can at ZelectricMotors.com.

From the March 2015 issue of Penthouse

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April O/Neil Penthouse Babe of the Day

@undeux

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Our sister website, AdultFriendFinder.com, is providing a sensual, steamy, and stimulating way for its Gold members to increase their sexual skills, as well as their sexual satisfaction. This month we present a six-step approach to one of your partner’s favorite things: foreplay.

By Ava Cadell, PhD

Most guys will admit that a handjob while watching porn is all they need when it comes to foreplay, but there are other erotic moves—like mammary sex (titty-fucking), axillary sex (humping the armpit), and gluteal sex (rubbing between the butt cheeks)—that a woman can use to pleasure a penis without using her vagina. Men might be surprised to learn that foreplay can easily be the main sexual event.

1. It’s in your kiss. It’s likely to surprise no one that kissing is the part of foreplay that gets a woman’s juices flowing. For the perfect makeout kiss, lock lips and alternate between tongue-flicking and tongue-sucking as you press your body against hers and use your hands to caress her hair and neck. Since it takes her longer than you to get revved up, instead of diving between her legs, try giving her a foot massage. Odds are, she’ll spread her thighs for you, as the brain’s sensory area for the foot is right next to the sensory area for the clitoris.

2. Nip it in the bud. As her arousal level heightens, continue to tease her by paying attention to her breasts, which can lead to orgasmic foreplay. Having her breasts caressed and nipples sucked releases oxytocin, the bonding chemical that makes a woman feel like she’s in love. Lick each breast with the flat of your tongue in lapping motions all around to cover every inch. Follow your tongue with light fingertip caresses, leaving her nipples until last. When both breasts are suitably wet, cup your hand over one so that the tip of her nipple rests between your thumb and your index finger. Squeeze her nipple to raise it slightly, then lick it with the tip of your tongue in circular motions. After about a dozen or so licks, suck it gently but firmly, pulling your head up and down at the same time. Move onto the other breast and nipple, and then give equal attention to both. If she starts to climax, don’t stop or change what you’re doing. Let her push you away when she’s had enough.

Many men have sensitive nipples, and having them licked can be a big turn-on. For male stimulation, the directions are pretty much the same, except men generally are more interested in immediate nipple contact, with deeper sucking motions and less teasing. Some men also enjoy having their nipples nibbled on, which means, ladies, it’s up to you to find out how much pain or pleasure he wants. Some men have one nipple that is more sensitive, so while you suck on one, pinch the other and ask him which feels most erotic. You could introduce him to a nipple-gasm.

3. Put the “play” in foreplay. Try games like a naked pillow fight, tickle war, strip poker, or hide-the-honey (when your blindfolded lover has to find the honey on your body using only her tongue).

4. Keep the playing field level. Oral foreplay should be mutual, so get into the sixty-nine position with either you or her on top, or even sideways if it’s more comfortable. All that matters is that you’re both givers of oral pleasure. Ladies, use your hands as an extension of your mouth by caressing his testicles while sucking his shaft. Gentlemen, try inserting a finger to find her G spot while you lick her clitoris.

5. Be safe out there. For safer-sex foreplay, engage in mutual masturbation and watch each other get off. You also can masturbate each other or add sex toys, such as a vibrator for the clitoris, a dildo for the vagina, and a butt plug for the anus. Toys can ignite passion and pleasure for you both, and give you memorable visuals of your lover’s orgasms.

6. Talk it out. Dirty talk that compliments your lover and lets her know what you want works every time. Try telling her how sexy she is and that you want her right now. Ladies, tell him if he feels so good inside you that you want to scream. Use your lover’s name for added hotness.

Now that I’ve made the case for foreplay as the main event, let me point out that the Sex Academy Foreplay course and video have more ideas, from kissing and erotic breath to undressing, sexual touch, and aphrodisiacs, all of which will ignite your desire and satisfy your sexual appetite.

Dr. Ava Cadell is a world-renowned sexpert with a master’s degree in human behavior and a PhD in human sexuality. She is president of the American College of Sexologists International, the founder of Loveology University, a media therapist, a global speaker, and the author of nine books.

From the April 2015 issue of Penthouse

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@PELNYC

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Tia Cyrus Penthouse Babe of the Day

@tia_cyrus

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Blue Moon

We capped off our New British Invasion issue with a second look at the breathtakingly bodacious Ava Blue, the English model who graced the cover of our October 2009 issue. And the quotes from Ava that were published with Brett Silver’s photos were almost as intriguing as the images. “I love being a model because, let’s face it, how many other jobs are there where you get to look sexy, get naked, and openly touch yourself? It’s amazing,” she told us. “My favorite part of this photo shoot was when I was lying on the floor completely naked, really going for it, covered in so much oil that every part of my body felt so soft and sexy and sensitive…. Oh, sorry. I was having a moment there and nearly got carried away!”

From the March 2015 issue of Penthouse

@avabluexxx

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@PELNYC

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Almost two decades after appearing in Penthouse as the June 1993 Pet of the Month, I started writing for the magazine in the hope that one day I could profile my fellow Pets in my very own column. My dream has finally come true!

By Sam Phillips

I remember what a big deal it was when Taylor Wane’s pictorial was published in June 1994; she was the first famous porn star that the magazine ever honored as a centerfold, which paved the way for many other adult actresses. Bob Guccione himself picked the British beauty as Pet of the Month, telling the photographer, Laurien, “Some girls have it, and some girls don’t. This girl has it.”

Taylor started out as a glamour model in the U.K. in 1988, then parlayed that fame into adult superstardom, becoming a multi-award-winning performer and an AVN, Legends of Erotica, and XRCO Hall of Fame inductee. She has her own sex-toy line with Nasstoys, and currently runs her own production company, Taylor Wane Entertainment, as well as her websites, TaylorWane.com, BuyTaylorWane.com, and SinfulAuctions.com.

Despite her ongoing accomplishments, Taylor told us being a Pet was her crowning achievement, saying, “It was one of the greatest moments of my entire career to see my face on the cover of Penthouse magazine.” And thanks to her photos, more than the British were coming.

28 Random Facts About Me That Few People Know, by Taylor Wane
1. I hold the unofficial World Record for Most Amount of Kama Sutra positions performed (with penetration at all times) in less than 60 seconds. The original record was about 18, and I did 23. That was shot for a British TV series called The Unofficial World Records of Sex.
2. I have seen the Bruce Lee movie Enter the Dragon about 100 times.
3. I was a punk rocker when I was a teenager and once drew an eight-foot Sid Vicious on my best friend’s bedroom wall.
4. I like to take baths with rubber duckies.
5. I went to secretarial college. I used to do shorthand, and I was a superfast typist. The fast typing came in very handy when I was doing webcam shows.
6. I like to work out at the gym very late at night.
7. I have a button phobia. They freak me out!
8. I used to be a seamstress, and I make my own gowns, and sometimes bed covers, pillows, cushion covers, and doggy clothes. I once sold one of my evening gowns to another adult star for an awards event. It was a gorgeous jade-green hand-beaded lace gown.
9. I have a massive Barbie doll collection, mostly the limited-edition or special-edition Fashionistas dolls.
10. I have a boot and shoe fetish, and I have hundreds of pairs of designer shoes and boots, most of which I do not wear. I just keep them in their original boxes and take them out to look at every once in a while.
11. I once went to Japan to see Hello Kitty World [aka Sanrio Puroland]. It was closed while I was there.
12. I dressed up for a Lady Gaga concert in a costume I saw her wearing in a fashion magazine: simply panty hose, platform shoes, a bikini top, and a wig with a Keroppi Hasunoue toy strapped to it. I was the only person in a costume.
13. The Marines flew a flag for me in a foreign country and awarded it to me.
14. I like to shoot guns.
15. I’m obsessed with hiking and always take my dogs with me.
16. For 80 percent of my career I produced my own photo and video shoots, including my two Penthouse layouts. I owned a production studio and personally shot countless photo layouts of adult stars that were published in a host of magazines, includ­ing Aria Giovanni for Girls of Penthouse in June 2006.
17. I love to cook any kind of food, and cook every day—every meal from scratch.
18. I recorded some original music several years back, and sang my song “Cry Baby Cry” live on The Howard Stern Show.
19. I love latex clothing, and used to wear it out as nightwear just because I love how it feels.
20. I love dressing up as a nurse (in fetish clothing), and not just to do a prostate exam. Or maybe it is.
21. I had my own comic strip called “VamptriX.”
22. My favorite author is Ayn Rand, and I used to attend  Ayn Rand lectures. I always stuck out like a sore thumb.
23. As a kid I had two pet rats called Hulk and Fred. They shared an outdoor house with my pet rabbit, Fluffy.
24. I had a huge stamp collection as a kid. I was a total dork! And I was a tomboy until I was about 17. I never wore makeup or skirts and dresses.
25. I broke my wrist three times doing crazy dares, climbing trees, and jumping off rooftops.
26. I was always an A student at school, and a teacher’s pet.
27. I was scheduled to get a tattoo on the show Inked but chickened out at the last minute, and my friend got the tat instead. It was the painting Olivia [De Berardinis] did of me. It was awesome!
28. I appeared on many TV shows, but the one that got me the most attention was Wipeout. My back hurt for two years after that show!

From the April 2015 issue of Penthouse

@TaylorWane69
@TheSingleLife

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Caressa Kisses

The Moonlite Bunny Ranch
69 Moonlight Road
Carson City NV 89706
775-246-9901
caressakisses@bunnyranch.com

Photograph courtesy of the Moonlite Bunny Ranch

Profile
Age: 26
Height: 5’3″
Bra size: 32D
Home state: Texas

“I believe there’s someone for everyone, and that applies at the Bunny Ranch, too. No matter what you like, there’s a girl here who can give you what you need. You just need to be honest about what you want and go after it. ”

Professional History
Time at the Ranch: Three years

“I started a webcam service at home when I was 18, and I had 12 other naked ladies in my house working with me. I had a really loyal following, but eventually I wanted a change of pace. One of my customers told me about the Moonlite Bunny Ranch and bought me a ticket out here for a visit. I thought it was really intriguing, and I ended up staying for six months.”

Professional Experience
“I’d been masturbating on camera for a couple of years, but had never had contact with any of my customers, so working at the Ranch was a very new experience. My first client, I tried to just go in there and be sexy, but it wasn’t meant to be—my robe caught on the door as I walked in and I fell down, right on my face. My client was sweet, though, and just laughed it off. He decided to take me out on a date to make me feel better, and we had a lot of fun—then we went back to my room and had really great sex! It worked out.”

Skills and Competencies
“I was the Bunny of the Year in 2012, so I’d say I’m pretty skilled. But I think my best skill is my ability to build relationships. The sex is just a bonus. I’ve had several men come to see me as their dying wish—they wanted to be with me before they passed…. I also work with couples and I do the Girlfriend Experience a lot. I’m not just selling my poonani—I help people through all the different stages of their lives, but I do it with sex.”

Accomplishments
“I enjoy sex so much more now than ever before, and I’ve gotten so much kinkier. One of my greatest accomplishments, though, was when a client wanted to have sex for 24 hours. That was fun!”

“Once, two guys came in together, and they looked like Greek gods. They booked me and my friend, but it was 3:30 in the morning and my friend was so tired. We go into the room and I start getting busy with my guy, and my friend was on the other bed with her guy. I was so into what I was doing that I wasn’t paying attention to my friend, and apparently she fell asleep! Her guy was really sweet and let her nap, and came over to see what his buddy and I were up to. Now, it’s against house rules to have two guys with only one girl, but he was just so sexy that I couldn’t resist, and I let him get into bed with us. It was my first time ever with two men, and I was so excited. The sex was so hot! Afterward, I got in trouble, but it was so worth it.”

Teaching Overview
“Men need to show their partners that they really want them. Really play it up. Be complimentary, tell the girl how special she is and why you want to be with her specifically. And women need to open up more and talk to their partners. You have to be willing to try new things in bed and be willing to discuss it to really make it work. Don’t bring your stress to bed—sex is supposed to be fun.”

The world-famous Moonlite Bunny Ranch (BunnyRanch.com) is featured in the long-running, award-winning HBO reality-TV series Cathouse, and is the most successful legal brothel in the history of the planet.

From the March 2015 issue of Penthouse

@CaressaKisses1
@BunnyRanch
@DennisHof

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